


All I Want

by Desmenn



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Crying, Emotionally Hurt Stiles Stilinski, Hurt Stiles, Implied Relationships, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), Sad, Sad Stiles Stilinski, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5765530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Desmenn/pseuds/Desmenn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Derek Hale: son, brother, lover</p>
<p>He died as he lived—lovingly”</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

> Based on:  
> [ALL I WANT by Kodaline](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqJoVlnmdFQ)

                A bitter chill on the wind caught against his face, stinging his cheeks ruddy and cutting his teeth like ice when he parted his dry lips. The cold was seeping into his clothes, piercing his bones and racking his spine in shudders. His fingers ached, white and frozen, pressed into his palms inside his pockets to attempt to stifle the cold. His eyes, reddened and dewy, drooped as he stared at the tombstone at his feet. The stone cut sharp, glazed, polished, with carefully chiseled words and freshly turned soil already crisp with frost. The words stood stark—in the stone and in his mind—they hung there before his eyes like a sick kind of promise. Somehow he hoped—maybe if he waited long enough the scene would fade and he would wake, maybe he would find it to be all a scheme or joke. The view blurred, a bubbling sort of rage rising up in him.

_“Derek Hale: son, brother, lover_

_He died as he lived—lovingly”_

                Stiles tongue darted out to wet his lips, sucking in a harsh breath between his teeth—the cold air sent a throb through his jaw and lodged a knot in his throat.

                “‘Lovingly’?” he quoted, hand shaking as he drug it through his hair harshly. “’Lovingly?’”

                He barked out a clipped laugh; it echoed grossly through the graveyard, and he wondered if he was standing at his mother’s grave would he hear himself laughing from where he stood then. He wondered if when his father dies too, would he be able to hear from there as well. The thought sent that pool of rage crawling up his chest and swirling like a darkened cloud in his chest. Acidic indignation lit the back of his throat. The injustice of the situation overwhelmed him.

                “’Lovingly?’” he repeated, voice high and stretched with emotion. “You don’t get to say that now! Not now!”

                He gasped once, his breath coming out in a puff of mist before his face.

                “Why didn’t you ever say that before?” he demanded, hand curling into a fist at his side. “You didn’t love me! You didn’t,” he yelled, stepping closer to the stone.

                But that was a lie, and Stiles felt his words hit like a blow to the chest. He gasped in another breath, the tombstone blurring into a mirage of speckled grey. He swiped viciously at his eyes, smearing warm tears across his nose and cheeks.

                “If you loved me,” he started quietly, voice careful and low now, falling to his knees to reach a hand out and feel the stone. It was cold to the touch, enough so that the stone sent a stab of pain through his fingertips.

                “Take me, why didn’t you take me?” he whispered. There had been no goodbye, no show of love, no sign of affection or attraction. How dare he leave, not even giving a good-bye. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Stiles was left alone.

                “All I want-no, all I _need_ is…you. To find someone like you. I need you, Derek,” he whispered, voice brittle, choked. He wiped at his eyes again, hands numb now as he drug himself to rest his back against Derek’s tombstone.

                “Why’d you leave me?” he asked again, softly, closing his eyes and letting his head drop to thump against the stone. “I loved you,” he confessed, miserable and cold. “I loved you…”


End file.
